Make This House a Home

When I received my recipient earlier this year, I was pretty excited. This person has no hesitation in offering what they can do for other people. So I was on the prowl to find something that I could do extra special. From my perspective, this person always seems very calm and collected. No matter how bad their life is, they carry a smile and with the faith in Heavenly Father, proceed in life to take care of their family.
Well......this families life fell apart in September. I found this a great opportunity to give as much as I could to Michael. Whenever I saw a chance or was asked to help, I jumped on it. When Michael was having battery problems with his vehicles, I gave them my battery starter to carry around. I also offered my muscles to help him move his belongings out of Ed and Kris' house and into a storage unit. When I would visit them at home, I would clean up the kitchen and wash the dishes. There was a time that Michael called me to help him move a mountain. Well, it was really just a tv, but it FELT like a mountain. I felt bad that I couldn't do it at that time, but it worked out the next day that I helped him take it to the curb. We actually needed Mitzi's and papa's help as well.Then when the Hocks started doing the treatments for Andrew, Charise and I watched their kids every now and then.

For those of you that do not know, when you are admitted to a hospital more than fifty miles away from your home, you are eligible to stay at the Ronald McDonald House (RMH). When Cole was born, we stayed in a RMH. It is basically a B&B for families with relatives in the hospital for a long term stay. The RMH gives you a great place to relax and get away from the hospital for a while without the burden of a high cost hotel. They charge a very small fee, but take further donations if you choose. All the RMH operate on volunteers except for a few core staff. This is a great organization for anyone with a family medical condition far from home. My family is so grateful that we were able to stay in a RMH with Cole. I am comforted that my brother and sister had the same opportunity during their out of state treatments with Andrew.

So what I wanted to do is give something back to the RMH since they have taken care of two of our families. Andrew had his initial surgery at the Duke Hospital in Durham. So I contacted the RMH of Durham to see what I could do for them. Without revealing the blue eye shadow, I told them some of my talents and ideas through email. We scheduled an appointment that I could come on property and meet with Holly, my contact. She was so excited when we met, that she went and got another lady, Jessica, to come meet me and tell me what they needed.  They mentioned some shelves in the housekeeping closet, which is really a small room. Then some desks up in the volunteers office, as well as some other shelving for their retail stock. I wanted to look at these projects and see what I could do to benefit the grieving guests at this property.

After a short tour, I picked the shelves in the housekeeping room. This is where they store all the blankets, towels, sheets, pillows, mattress pads, etc. for all the rooms on that floor. What they were using was metro shelving that really wasn't efficient and more in the way. I told her I was going to look at my schedule to get a day when I could come out and build them some shelves. In the meantime, Jessica was going to get some ideas directly from the housekeeping crew on what they wanted. After touching base about a week later, we had a date, material, and time. I went out and started my quest.

The front wall that the shelves are going on

During my project, everyone I came in contact with, knew about me and what I was doing. I felt like a rock star being so popular. The guests would exhaustively say "Hello" as I passed them in the halls. I knew a little of the pain and frustration in their hearts which made me move forward even more in my construction. At one point I didn't have the right trim so I had to run to Home Depot to do a materials run. I wanted these shelves to be efficient. I wanted the housekeepers job to be as easy as possible.  I wanted to give everything I had to a house that took care of my brothers family. I wanted them to look perfect!

After a late start, arriving about noon, I finished building the shelves at seven thirty that night. I did not have time to prime and paint them, but the maintenance guy, Mauro, already told me if I didn't have enough time to paint them, he would do it for me. I looked at the shelves. I looked at the guests in the dining room getting dinner as I was cleaning up. I looked at the volunteers serving them with smiles on their faces. In the lobby, the tweens  were playing board games. I went to tell Jessica and Holly that I was done. The door to the back offices was locked. I was the only one there besides the kitchen staff and reception attendant.

Front Shelves

Back Shelves

My job here is complete. The excitement they had in me to complete this project was impeccable. The families I saw bonding together after a day of trials and dead ends....its not easy. Michael, your Andrews rock star. You have a great love for your family and an everlasting desire to protect and take care of them. I was honored to do this in your name.

Loving hands, helping hands

Finding out that I was assigned to perform service for, or on behalf of, Mom was very exciting because of the many fun things I could possibly do to make her heart happy.

Loving hands

Knowing that she and dad had purchased a new home in Cary before heading back to the Congo to finish their mission, I decided I wanted to do something fun with her grandkids to make her feel welcome when they came back to begin their Southern retirement. Their new home has a beautiful walkway up to the front door, so I set out to have each grandchild create a personalized stepping stone of their handprint for Grammy's new yard.

I knew it wouldn't be easy. My four kids and I had made stepping stones for my wife on Mother's Day and although they turned out beautifully, it was a challenge getting young kids to work with wet cement in a quick drying period. So, I realized that perhaps the greatest challenge would be coordinating with my sisters and brothers-in-law in a peaceful and loving way, despite the time-sensitive and complex activities the project demanded.

I don't have a real good track record on that type of thing with my sisters. I knew that a significant part my gift to Mom would be fighting the urge to be a bossy, demanding, and domineering perfectionist. I realized Mom would rather I focus on creating a terrific memory instead of perfect stepping stones.

The main effort occurred when five of the six families got together for the July 4th weekend. With great support from our spouses, my four sisters, three nieces, and I spent the afternoon of July 3 joyfully shopping together for the many supplies. Squished together in Charise's car, we went to a bunch of stores to collect the supplies – Lowe's for concrete, a second hand store for baking pans to use as molds, a pet store for sea shells, A.C. Moore for decorative jewels and stones, and Dollar Tree for even more decorations. We had a blast just being together and running around town.

On July 4, we had an awesome bbq & pool party at the Bishop's house. While the kids played, a few of us cut pieces of chicken wire to use as structural support inside the cement. Then, as family played in pool in the backyard, I arranged all of the supplies out front and set up for what would be a chaotic couple of hours.

We started with a buffet line of decorations, with each child filling their plastic cup with jewels, sea shells, and polished rocks. Then, we lined up nearly two dozen molds – one in front of each child and one for each couple. Every adult took on a different role. Two of my brothers mixed the cement in small batches. One sister inserted the metal pieces. Others went around smoothing the cement. A few ran around helping kids stick their hands into the cement. Somebody else was taking photos (which I either lost or never received because I can't find them anywhere). After finishing the kids' stones, each of the adult couples made a larger, shared stone for their family.

While hectic, the whole thing went incredibly well. In creating beautiful decorations for Grammy and Papa's yard, we also formed a beautiful memory of cousins and siblings working together.

I'm told that when Grammy and Papa arrived home from their mission to the Congo, they broke down in tears as they walked up the path to their new home, seeing the loving hands of their children and grandchildren.

Thank you Mom, for allowing me to create an instance of loving leadership with the family.

Helping hands

Originally, I had planned to do a couple of other acts of service on behalf of Mom, but as with many things, those plans changes on September 10, when our dear AJ was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I realized that I needed to use my talents to help the Hock family. For a number of weeks, I wondered how I might better serve the Hocks, but after visiting them at the end of October, I knew what the Hocks – and the Lord – needed from me.

I'm pretty good at writing and I'm no stranger to boasting, but on this one... well, there are too many precious things to put in words. While MeiLani has a fair idea of the lengths of my efforts, not even my wife really knows how many hours I spent on this project. What matters most is that for just over five weeks, the Lord strengthened me in unfathomable ways to help MeiLani and Michael turn a trial into a testimony of faith.

He combined my gifts of prose, technology, and design. He taught me a whole new system of website design in a period measured in dozens of hours, when it should've taken dozens of weeks. MeiLani and I were constantly amazed at how much we could accomplish in such little time. You all know how much MeiLani and I both love our full nights of sleep, but I was constantly amazed how service late into the night (and more than a few times into the very early mornings) didn't really take a physical toll the next day.

I know that for a period of a five weeks the Lord used me as an instrument to create a tool that helped share our story of families, trials, love, cancer, and faith with the world. [And it helped us raise a healthy sum to help lighten the Hock's incredible financial burdens.]

Thank you Mom, for reminding me that when you lose yourself in serving God's children, He will multiply your strengths and work marvelous miracles. [And thank you for your kind words in your comment you posted on the Save the Cheeks website.]

A Scout is...

Dear Kids,

Once again my heart is full as I prepare to post my service for our family service project this year. I am so proud of all of you and the things you do for each other all year long. Especially this year as I have seen you rally around to help Lani and Michael. Chuck, your website and blog for AJ are nothing less than amazing. You girls have risen to the occasion, and somehow, in your busy lives you have helped Lani in so many ways, I wouldn’t know where to start. We are deeply touched at how well you took care of each other while we were in Africa. Thank you again for being such wonderful, valiant children of our Heavenly Father.

My recipient this year is Garrett. It was fun to get his name because it made me think of him and realize that we have much to learn. Through the years it will be fun to discover more about his hobbies and his past, as well as his dreams for the future. Garrett, you were an answer to our fervent prayers from Africa to our Heavenly Father. You are the supreme example of “service” in the life you live everyday taking care of your new family. What a blessing you are to all of us, but especially to Tiffany, Brooklyn and Zelda. It is an honor to be able to do a small service in your name.

We were tickled when you were called to work with the Young Men. Being a scout master requires a certain personality and it is a complement to you to have been chosen for that position. I decided to honor you by calling the area Boy Scouts of America office. When I called them, I explained about what our family does for Christmas gifts.

I was transferred to the man in charge and asked him if they had anything I could do to help…. File, type or clean. He got excited when I said the word “clean”. He asked if I was serious about the cleaning and when I said “Yes” I think I heard him jumping up and down. He explained that they had a regular cleaning company that did the weekly cleaning but that they could use help with the deep cleaning. I told him that sounded perfect.

I drove into Raleigh – about 30 minutes away – and arrived at the office of the Occoneechee Council of the Boy Scouts of America.

The other employees had heard about what our family does and I was treated like royalty. There was a written list of things for me to do to deep clean the board room and a few things to do in the kitchen. I washed windows, scrubbed tables, vacuumed, washed baseboards, dusted photos and cleaned anything else that was in the room.

This is my first "selfie." I am not a big fan cause it makes my nose look huge!

In the kitchen I was able to do the windows, the floors and the appliances.

When the work was completed, they asked me to thank my son-in-law… the California scout master… for the work done in his honor. I received the following email the next day.

Kriss: Thanks so much for choosing the Boy Scouts for your annual Christmas gift of time. You certainly did your son-in-law proud with all the hard work you provided at our office building. Our council board room has never looked better. The windows and doors are clean, the baseboards look like new and the room smells great. You also managed to make our kitchen look clean for the first time in years.

What really makes your gift to us special is you did to honor someone else. I hope more families will look at Christmas like your family does. I wish you and your family a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Johnny Glover
Occoneechee Council, BSA

Again, thank-you Garrett. for everything. You have the traits that are listed in the Scout Law above. We are “soooo glad Heavenly Father sent you to our family to live.”

Love, Mom

Because I have been given much...

From the minute we found out AJ's diagnosis I had people dropping things in their lives and changing their plans to help make mine easier. Literally. Mitzi and Char were sitting at a nice sisters lunch, their food arrived as I called and told them that AJ's MRI had revealed a large unwanted brain mass and they told the waiter to package it up because they were coming to me.

During my time of need,  there were many that came to my aid doing what I needed. Babysitting, cooking, cleaning, supporting, praying, and loving me and my family in any way they could. I learned so much during this time from great examples that I want to emulate. A simple thank you card seems so inadequate yet hard to make happen for every person who has helped along the way.

How can I ever re-pay these people? How do I let them know that the smallest of their gestures have caused me to cry tears of joy as I fall asleep at night? How do I explain that the smallest of donations, the hearing of AJ's name being prayed for by 5 year old in primary, the musical number that wasn't even meant for me (well, at least they didn't know when they were preparing it that it was), or that the sacrifice of the comforts of others' comfortable lives means the world to me?

One of my many heroes of this time was Wayne. I picked him up from the airport with big puffy red eyes and them still wet with tears. He was put to work immediately comforting me! But he was so cute and quick to say, "I am NOT here to serve you! Don't think of it that way. I'm here to hang out with you and do whatever you need me to do, but it isn't because I'm serving you, it is because I'm your brother and I'm here, and that's what siblings do". Basically saying, don't feel incompetent because I'm here, I know you can do these things on your own, but I'm here so you don't have to. 



Wayne and I had a wonderful week, especially with AJ. AJ had a special bond with Wayne soon after his arrival. He kept insisting that I not "entertain" him and feel obligated to go do fun things every day. But no matter the museum, the zoo, our walks, or even when we just stayed at home by the park... I just enjoyed having him there by us. 

A family from the ward emailed to ask if the husband's team at work could adopt our family for Christmas for #GivingTuesday. I have felt so extremely overwhelmed with gratitude for the past 3 months with people helping our family constantly, while everyday in Jacksonville I walked the halls with families that did not have nearly what we were blessed with. 

I read the request in the email and I reflected on a conversation I had had many times that week with Wayne, "What more do I need? I have my family, a loving husband, he has a decent job, a beautiful home, and the Gospel.  I have more than sufficient... What more could I ask for?"

We did not want to offend this sweet family and their kind gesture, but Michael and I knew what we wanted to do and asked if they would support our wishes in donating to a family that none of them had ever met. I asked if instead of adopting us, how would they feel about adopting one of the 29 other families in the Ronald McDonald House. I told them they could choose from a one of the many but the one I felt drawn to was the Cousin Family. 

Tammy is s single mom with two amazing boys; Jeff (19) and Jakoby (13). Jakoby has cerebral palsy and is highly autistic. He loves to play with the dolls and chase the other kids around the playground at the RMH. He loves to take pictures and see them after. Jeff and Tammy take turns as Jakoby's care takers. While not watching Jakoby, Tammy worked as a manager at Walmart and Jeff worked at the McDonald's at Walmart. Around the same time as AJ, Jeff got sick and after vomiting for months, they discovered his brain tumor. Jeff is no longer able to help watch Jakoby so Tammy needs to stay home to watch them both until something else can be worked out. 

Every time I see Tammy, or even just think of her, I smile... because I KNOW she is smiling. Despite Jakoby's lovable constant energy, she never even looked tired! She never complained that most of Jeff's 30 radiation treatments were scheduled between 8 and 10 PM!!! Meaning she would have to keep both of her boys up super late along with herself, but she was always smiling. 

I went to do some recon work and interviewed the Cousin family for an article I wanted to write about families at RMH for www.savethecheeks.org. I asked things like what Jeff liked to do (cook and play video games), what he wanted to be when he grew up (veteranarian), and what they each wanted for Christmas. 

I emailed the family to give them a list of ideas to see if they could grab a couple. I was overwhelmed! They returned the list to me the next day almost 100% filled plus a few extras! They filled Michael's van almost completely! It was such a joyous sight having Houston sing "we are Santa's elves" while unloading and piling high the presents into 2 Ronald McDonald House Wagons and trying to get them to all fit in the back of her car. 


We took a short video clip of her response that does NOT do the moment justice. I think she was in shock! I wish it would have captured how cute the gifts looked in the wagons but it was too dark. I wish it would have captured the 10 times she came and hugged me that night and said "God Bless you!". I wish it would have captured the time that we held each other with tears on our cheeks saying goodbye and promised each other the Lord loved us and was watching our boys. 

This Christmas morning I got a text from Tammy. "Merry Christmas! Koby LOVES his train the most! Omg he won't even put it down. LOL. Thank you for everything!!! Love your whole family!!!"

Thank you team at SAS for giving this family the best Christmas they have had, and might ever have. You have also given my husband and I a wonderful gift to have been a small part of it. We went to bed so joyful that night knowing that Tammy was sleeping easy that night. You made Tammy's Christmas, but please also know you made ours! Although we were just pointing which way to point your kind acts, we were so grateful and moved to be a witness to it!

Thank you Wayne. Not only for your help that week with AJ and with our stress, but for reminding me time and time again "What more could I ask for?". I'm grateful that I have been able to call you brother for 20 years now. Thank you for your love and great memories. I will cherish that week forever!

-Your littler sister- Lani

Merry Christmas Mitz! Love Hock

Merry Christmas Mitzi. Love Hock

This year my service recipient is one of my favorite people in the whole wide world; my running buddy and primary president Mitzi.  I’ve really enjoyed getting to know Mitzi over the last three years of being neighbors and we’ve had a lot of fun. From training for a half marathon to having dart gun wars we’ve had a great time.  I was really excited when I was assigned her as my service recipient.  There are a few characteristics about Mitzi that I’ve observed over the years that I’ve tried to channel for my service.

Our first race while training for a half marathon!

Mitzi is a great hostess.  I always enjoy going to her home because I know that she is going to treat me like royalty.  Especially if I haven’t been there for a while.  A few years ago I injured my eye and couldn’t open it for several days.  She invited me to come over and just hang out in her theater room with the door closed because it was dark enough in there that I could open my eye without being in pain.  One of my fond memories of that experience was Mitzi making me quesadillas.  I had been sleeping for a long time and I woke up feeling hungry.  Not more than 3 minutes after waking up feeling hungry Mitzi came in with lunch.  It was like the hostess within her could sense that her guest was getting hungry.  One of the great things about Mitzi’s house is she always has a fridge stocked with my favorite soda.  Cherry 7UP.  She seems to keep track of what everyone who visits likes and always stocks her fridge accordingly.  

Tonight as we sat down to eat Mitzi
 brought these in for Lani and me.

With this in mind I decided to honor Mitzi, and the Cherry 7UP she keeps on hand for Lani and I when we come and visit, by organizing a pop top drive to raise money for the Ronald McDonald house.  While we were in Jacksonville during AJ’s cancer treatments we had the privilege of staying at the Ronald McDonald house and learned that through collecting pop tops and cashing them in, the house is able to raise enough money to pay all of the utilities for a year.

Conducting a pop top drive to help a charity that has become very near and dear to everyone in our family seemed like a great way to honor Mitzi.  There was only one problem.  Mitzi and Char were the two biggest collectors/donators of pop tops. We had reached out to families at church, but had only a handful of responses. Mitzi and Charise announced it each week in primary using the young children as their armies to collect a lot of pop tabs.

We will continue to collect and deliver pop tabs to the RMH, but it seemed a little silly to have my service be in honor of Mitzi yet have her be one of the primary contributors to her service.

So I decided to channel another Mitzi characteristic.  Volunteering to help someone in need.  When I found out that she was taking her kids to go caroling at the airport I thought this would be a good opportunity to serve Mitzi by volunteering to join them and bring the whole Hock family along.  It seemed like a good idea until we got there and I remembered how far out of my comfort zone unsolicited singing to large groups of random strangers is.  It become ever farther out of my comfort zone when I realized that we would be singing songs from the Kids are Music Greatest Hits Collection.  

Though I enjoy watching my kids sings these songs, I don’t know the words well enough to sing them myself especially when we mixed in some actions.  After the three pathetic attempts by me at our three stops I decided that I was really going to give it my all and overcome my fear.  The next stop was Air Canada.  I thought this won’t be too bad.  There are only two people here.  I managed to sing about 30% of the words correctly and moved my arms around to try and at least pretend that I knew what the actions were.

Not doing anything close to the actions that the rest of the singers
 are doing but trying to be enthusiastic.

I started feeling a little more confident and began to give myself a pep talk “Okay, that wasn’t so bad, now for this next one sing a little louder and try to be a little more noticeable with your actions.”  We will never know what would have been because as we were moving on to the next kiosk Hadley tripped and fell causing a nice little gash near her left eye.  With that Lani and I headed off to the emergency room for stitches on our beautiful little girl.

Ironically enough, just like with the pop tops, my “caroling service" actually turned out to be another example of Mitzi serving me.  While we were at the ER, Mitzi went grocery shopping and picked up the things we needed for dinner tomorrow and picked up the new dinning room table that Lani and I planned to buy after caroling.  She saw that it was the last one and decided she had better get it for us just in case we didn’t make it over there.

I think Mitzi is awesome.  I was a little leery when we first entertained the idea of moving to North Carolina and living in the same ward/stake as Mike and Mitzi.  We were afraid that we wouldn’t be able to be our own people living in the McBrides shadow, but I have loved it.  We are so grateful for the blessing of living by the McBrides.  I have grown to love both Mitzi and Mike a great deal and will forever treasure the memories we have made with them and the Johnsons.  

Mitzi thanks for being a terrific sister-in-law and a great friend.  I love you a lot and I’m glad I’m in your family.  Thanks for everything you do for us and for me.  Merry Christmas! Love Hock.